You are my shelter in the storm
by charlotte90
Summary: Oliver is about to accept Ra's Al Guhl's offer, becoming the new Demon's Head the only way to keep the people he loves and his city safe. But Felicity can't let him make this decision. She can't let him go and sacrifice himself without trying to change his mind.


"You are leaving. __Again__."

Felicity kept her eyes on the medical table, her gaze fixed on a point slightly on his left, refusing to look directly at him, her index and thumb rubbing together.

"It seems to be all you do lately."

"Felicity-"

"First to save your sister, __than__ your sister's father and now?"

Her voice cracked slightly and she pressed her lips together, to stifle a sob. She wasn't going to cry. She had moved on after all, hadn't she? She was here as a friend, a concerned friend, nothing more. There was no reason to get emotional.

"I have tried to think of a reason, __any reason__ that could justify what you are about to do. But I got nothing. Nothing. And you know me, I have a really vivid imagination. Because Oliver this is crazy and the fun thing is we have done lots, lots of crazy stuff together, so I should be well acquainted with crazy. Crazy shouldn't faze me. But this, this does. This doesn't only faze me, it scares me. Because this decision you took? It's insane."

She raised her eyes, finally looking at him. He seemed tense, his arms standing rigidly at his sides, but he was giving her that soft, caring look she really loved, that in that moment couldn't be more wrong.  
He didn't seem conflicted, nor torn. He simply looked resigned.

"It's for the best."

Felicity felt her stomach twist at his flat tone, a bitter laugh threatening to escape her. They were talking about his choice to accept Ra's Al Ghul's offer. His plan to leave Starlight City, to leave them, to become the new Demon's Head and he didn't seem bothered at all.

"How? How can you-"

She swallowed and raised a hand to adjust her glasses, dimly realizing she was shaking. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before looking at him again. She took a few steps until she was standing right in front of him, close enough to need to tilt her head to look at his face.

"Oliver, listen to me. You can't leave. Not again. You are needed here. The city needs you.__Your sister __, who you have spent the whole year trying to save, needs you."

"The city is in good hands. You all have proved it. And Thea will be fine, Roy is going to keep an eye on her."

He smiled slightly, shrugging, his eyes kind as he looked at her, but he was still stubbornly convinced he was right.

"Without me my sister will have a normal life. That is all I have ever wanted for her."

"What about what she wants?"

His eyes dropped for a moment at her words, but she didn't stop, couldn't stop.

"Maybe she doesn't want a normal life! Maybe she wants to decide what kind of life she wants to live! Have you ever consider that? You choose. Every time you make the decisions and no one can say anything about it! People deserve to have a say, Oliver. It's not only your life, not anymore."

She realized she was yelling at him, angry tears spilling down her cheeks, but she didn't move to wipe them, her breath labored as she stared at him. She was so frustrated, so powerless and all he was doing was watching her, pained and apologetic, but she knew he wasn't going to do a damn thing about it.

"Felicity, this- I have to do this. You have a new job, someone who cares about you-"

"Don't." She stopped him, her voice trembling with anger. "Don't you dare say I will be better off without you. Don't."

She watched him shake his head, lips pressed together in a thin line, unwilling to acknowledge that it was exactly what he had been about to say, but she knew him so well.

"No one. No one of us will be better off without you. We need you here. __I need you here__."

His eyes snapped back at her face at her confession, his surprise undeniable and Felicity wondered, not for the first time, if the idea of people needing him, wanting him was so unfathomable to him.

"Stay, Oliver. Please stay."

For a moment she thought she had convinced him, his eyes hopeful as he stared at her, but than he broke eye contact and swallowed tightly, clearly steeling himself and she knew he wasn't going to stay. She knew he was going to apologize, __again__, and leave, __again__. And she couldn't listen to that. She wasn't strong enough to stand there and watch him leave, knowing that no matter what she said, what she felt for him, it was never going to be enough.

Felicity closed her eyes, fighting the tears and turned, unable to look at him anymore. She reached the stairs with fast steps, half dreading, half hoping he was going to stop her. She was itching to feel his hand grip her arm, his voice call her name, but he stood silent, unmoving, his eyes following her until she closed the heavy, steel door of the foundry behind her.

* * *

Felicity stared blankly at the quiet darkness outside of her window. Her cheek was pressed against the cool surface, the pitter patter of the rain on the ground oddly soothing her.  
Ray was sitting at her kitchen table, pretending to work on his tablet, but she could feel his eyes on her.

She knew he was worried. He had showed up at her footsteps because she wasn't picking up her phone and had tried to question her, but Felicity had offered no explanation for her clear distress. She had let him stay at her house, knowing how unfair it was to shut him out, but she couldn't muster the energy to tell him what had happened.

emWhat was she supposed to tell him anyway? That someone she loved had left her? Again? That she couldn't help but wonder if she hadn't given up, if she had refused to leave he would have changed his mind? If there was a way after all. What if she had told him she loved him? Would he have stayed then?

"Felicity?"

She closed her eyes briefly, her shoulders tensing at the sound of Ray's voice. Felicity knew he wanted answers and she couldn't blame him.

The problem was that even if she wanted to explain herself, she couldn't. Ray had no idea about her involvement with Team Arrow. She had been careful to juggle between her two lives, knowing that if she wasn't it would lead to questions no one wanted answered.

She was surprised she had managed to lie to him so well. She suspected his obsession for the Atom suit he was still refining had helped her greatly, but she knew she was a terrible liar.

She didn't even know why she was still seeing him. She had never wanted a relationship based on lies.

She jumped slightly when she felt something warm covering her shoulders and she turned, watching Ray as he gently draped her favorite blanket over her shoulders.  
"Thank you." She whispered, clinging to the blanket and he smiled tightly in return.

"I grabbed my stuff, I-" he gestured towards the kitchen and Felicity glanced behind his shoulder, noticing a small bag next to his computer, his favorite sweater draped carelessly over it.

"You are leaving." She finished the sentence for him, watching him closely. He looked uncertain, unable to meet her eyes, ashamed. He was leaving her, ending their relationship and she didn't even know what she was supposed to feel. Sadness? Pain, maybe? She just felt hollow and exhausted.

"I understand, Ray. You can leave."

She turned towards the window again, leaning comfortably against the glass.

"If you need to talk-"

"I don't. I'm f-"

"You are not fine."

The sudden hardness of his tone startled her, but she kept her back resolutely at him, tightening her grip on the blanket as to protect herself.

"It's easier, isn't it? Shutting people out, refusing to talk, keeping what you are feeling inside. Because once you say it out loud, there is no pretending, not escaping anymore."

"You have no idea what you are talking about." Her voice cracked at the end and she clasped her lips together tightly, to keep her bottom lip from quivering.

"I think I do. I think I understand you better than you think. Better than most can. The problem is I don't think you want me to. For what it's worth I'm sorry, for everything. Goodbye Felicity."

She sat there, silent and perfectly still until she heard her front door clicking shut.

* * *

When she heard the bell ringing for the first time she ignored it. She was sitting on the floor of the bedroom, just outside her closet. Some of her favorite clothes were scattered all over the floor and she was holding a beautiful, terribly ruined red dress in her hands.

After sitting by the window longer that she cared to admit she had felt an irrational anger. Towards Oliver, Ray, herself, this whole messed up situation. She hated how hurt she felt, how lost and weak and she had decided to take matters in her own hands.

She had had this absurd idea that by getting rid of anything that reminded her of the last few months she was going to feel better, so she had started with the coffee brand only Ray liked, the sheets they have slept in together and she had ended up in her closet, discarding some of her once beloved colorful clothes.

A cute, purple dress had been her first victim and she hadn't stopped until she had found the red dress. The one she wore at their infamous, beautiful and awful date that had changed everything. It was hopelessly ruined, but she had kept it anyway.

She frowned, annoyed at whoever kept ringing the doorbell. She wasn't in the mood to see anyone at the moment and she predicted the use of her loud voice in the immediate future.

Felicity flung the door open without looking at the peephole, mouth already open, ready with a snarky remark when she realized who was standing in front of her, hands tucked in his jeans pockets and looking more unsure and vulnerable that she had ever seen him.

"Hey." He breathed out, the barest hint of a smile grazing his face as he looked down at her. He was watching her expectantly, but Felicity couldn't find a single word to say, her brain failing to reconcile the imagine of Oliver, solid and real in front of her, with her certainty of not seeing him ever again.

"Felicity, I-" He raised a hand to touch her, but she took a step back, flinching instinctively.

He stopped, looking grief stricken and lowered his hand, holding it awkwardly at his side as if he didn't know what to do with it.

Felicity brought her red dress to her chest, hugging it tightly. "You-you are here. So you-" She stopped, shaking her head. __He didn't go? Came back? Wanted to see her again before leaving?__ "What are you doing here?"

"I thought about what you said."

"Oh. You did."

"Yes, I-" Oliver looked around, clearing uncomfortable to keep his back to the street, probably feeling exposed and Felicity shook her head and reached out to grip his sleeve, guiding him wordlessly inside her home.

She sat on her couch, tucking her feet under her legs and nervously traced the lines of the dress, drawing Oliver's attention to it.

"You kept it." Oliver's voice was low, slightly uneven and she raised her eyes, surprised, but still wary.

"What are you doing here, Oliver?"

" if I- I don't leave, if I choose to stay he will come for me. The League will come for me, for all of us."

Felicity stared at him. Part of her was still afraid he was going to leave. He was going to give her the speech he had prepared and leave her. But she saw the struggle in his eyes, the doubt and the flicker of hope. In that moment she was sure he was waiting for her to say something, anything to stop him.

Felicity reached for his hand, gripping it tightly and waited until he looked at her, hoping he could read the determination, the certainty, the belief she had in him in her eyes.  
"Let them come." She said forcefully, her voice strong and loud. "No! Don't!" She stopped him as he turned to look away from her, one hand cupping the side of his face, a thrill going through her at the feeling of his stubble under her soft skin.

"Oliver, let them come." She slid her hand down his neck, gripping the front of his jacket to keep her hand from trembling. "You need to stop fighting alone. Because you are not alone. You have me, and Digg. And Roy and Thea. We will fight together. You have to let us help you, because we can't lose you, __I can't lose you__."

She felt hot tears trailing down her cheeks, but she didn't do anything to stop them, looking at him, waiting for an answer, a sign, anything.

He nodded, first with hesitation, than more firmly and finally Felicity felt like she could breath again, letting out a loud sob and falling into his chest. She tucked her face into his neck and he brought a hand on her back, rubbing it soothingly, tracing the line of her spine, the barest hint of a tremor in his movements as he kept her close the way he had wanted to do for months.

"You are laughing." Oliver whispered with disbelief, his nose buried in her hair, but with a half grin on his face, her giggling contagious.

"I know!" She said, her answer muffled, so Oliver gripped her shoulders and pushed her back gently to look at her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, her make up all smudged, but she was smiling at him and __God he had missed her smile.__

Before he realized what he was doing he was leaning towards her, eyes fixed on her lips. Part of him thought she was going to stop him and he stiffened when he felt her hands flattening on his chest, expecting her to push him back, but she slid her hands upwards instead, curling them around his shoulders, gently urging him closer.

He closed his eyes as he pressed his lips on hers, his heart racing as she gently returned the pressure, their lips melding together perfectly, moving in an unhurried pace, both of them intently savoring the moment.

Oliver broke the kiss, his lips still almost grazing hers with each breath he took, his eyes closed. He knew once he opened his eyes it would be over. He had meant to come to her house to talk, not to kiss her out of nowhere. She was with Ray, he was painfully aware of that. He also knew it was his fault. He had let her go, it was only fair for her to move on now.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

He opened his eyes to see her looking up at him, her eyes wide and curious, if not a little concerned. He sighed heavily, giving her a little tight smile. There was nothing he wanted to do more than to kiss her again, bury his hands in her hair, bring her as close as possible, feel her skin on his own. He shook his head to get rid of those dangerous thoughts. __That was not the time.__

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" He motioned between them and shook his head, missing the way she narrowed her eyes at his words.

"Oh, I see. Of course." He finally looked at her, surprised by her bitter tone. She had turned her head, her eyes shining in the dim light.

"Felicity-"

"Don't!" She slapped his hand away when he tried to reach for her. "I don't know why I thought this time it was going to be different. You have made it clear before that nothing is different, it won't ever be different!"

She got up from the couch, turning her back to him, her eyes burning. "You can leave now."

He stood up, panicked, his chest tightening painfully, and snatched her hand, desperately trying to stop her from leaving. "Felicity you are with Palmer!"

She turned to look at him sharply, scrutinizing him warily. "What?"

"You- you are with Palmer. I know you moved on, you are happy. I didn't mean to-"

"Wait. So you aren't leaving. And you- do you want to be with me? For real?"

He looked at her a little lost. He wanted to tell her a million things. He wished he had a speech prepared to make her understand how much she meant to him, how much she had helped him, how much she had changed his life. He wished the timing was different, the situation was different. But deep down he knew that there was never going to be a perfect time, not with the lives they led and this could be his only chance. "Yes, I do."

She laughed, a little breathless and wiped her eyes with her sleeve, looking at him with affection, mirth and something he couldn't quite place. "God, you are such an idiot."

"What?"

"Me and Ray. We-we broke up. It wasn't working." She smiled at him, a little shyly, her voice just above a whisper as she stared carefully at him, gauging his reaction. "I think I have never really moved on."

"Really?" She grinned at the way his voice cracked, reaching for him as he tugged her towards him, crushing her to his chest. This time he kissed her desperately, fiercely, one hand buried in her hair, the other banded around her waist while she fisted her hands in his shirt and when they broke the kiss they were both panting, their breaths mingling together.

Oliver ran his nose on her jaw, inhaling her scent, marveling in the softness of her ivory skin until she grabbed his face, bringing his mouth back on hers, kissing him passionately, mouth open and tongue running boldly on his lips, making him groan and press into her, fingers digging in her hips.

He maneuvered them until she hit the couch with the back of her knees and she leaned down, her arms sneaking around his neck to bring him down with her. He kept most of his weight off of her planting his elbows on the plump cushions, but Felicity was having none of it and she brought her thighs high around his waist to press him down to her.

She grinned slyly when he groaned, leaning into her more firmly, his hips trusting into hers as she arched her back, her breasts pushing into his chest.

She whined when he stopped kissing her and tried to put some distance between them, his breath hot against the side of her neck.

"Oliver-"

"We-" he cleared his throat, the gravel quality of his voice making her shiver deliciously. "Stop. Have to stop."

"What? Why?"

"We-I-" Why was his brain refusing to cooperate? "I love you. This- this is important. To me. Us. We should wait, I-"

"Oliver." She cut him off, her voice stern, even if her expression was kind, swollen lips and flushed skin making her look softer. "I love you, okay? I have loved you for a very very long time. And I'm done waiting. I-"

He cut her off with a deep, bruising kiss, his heart pounding erratically. She loved him, she had just told him she loved him. He couldn't say how many times he had wished to hear those words from her, sometimes wondering if she didn't reciprocate him. If, even if she undoubtedly cared about him, she didn't feel the same way.

They were both breathless when he drew back, her eyes glued on his lips, pupils blown, her usually clear blue eyes dark and stormy. "-want you."

Oliver nodded, not able to voice a coherent thought and picked her up, raising them both from the couch with a swift move.

"Okay, that was hot."

She laughed lightly, her eyes shining and he grinned, hosting her higher on his waist and walking them towards the bedroom, trying to focus even as she nipped playfully on his neck, her tongue licking and tasting his skin, making his knees tremble.

He gently placed her on the bed, stopping for a moment to look at her, to commit that moment to his memory. She seemed to understand what he was thinking and she tilted her head to the side in a familiar gesture, her smile widening, before she raised on her elbows to plant a soft, lingering kiss on his lips.

The kiss turned heated quickly, tongues clashing together and teeth nipping teasingly. Oliver felt himself harden fast and he mindlessly sought friction for his growing erection on her thigh while she whimpered, digging her heels on the back of his thighs to bring him impossibly close.

"Too-many-clothes." Felicity panted, dragging his jacket off his arms with shaky hands. Oliver helped her shrugging it off, than placed his hand on the hem of her chemise, pulling it up slowly, while she fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, her movements faltering as he teasingly dragged his knuckles over the new discovered naked skin.

He bent down to press open mouthed kisses all over her stomach until he reached her hip and bit sharply at the sensitive skin, making her jerk against him. He smirked as he circled the mark he had left there with his thumb, than looked at her to find her staring down at him smiling, eyebrows raised. She truly was a vision in his eyes, face flushed and ragged breath, her chest raising rapidly, her hardened nipples visible under the flimsy cotton.

She pulled him towards her, making a quick work of the few buttons left and finally divested him of his shirt, fingers skimming freely over his pecs and abs, eyes glued on his body in shameless appreciation. He tensed as her hands slipped south, working at his belt and buttons, but before she could slip her hands inside his pants he took an hold of her wrists, chuckling at her pout and brought them over her head, lips attacking her neck, scraping his beard on her skin, making her mewl and squirm under him.

The sounds she was making, the restless way she was moving her hips were enough to threaten his control, the need to bury himself inside of her almost too strong to be put back any longer.

Felicity seemed to echo his thoughts and she tried to drag her camisole all the way off of her body. "Take-it-off."

Oliver obliged gladly, secretly thrilled to discovered how bossy she seemed to be in bed and as soon as the soft skin was revealed he closed his mouth on one of her nipples. She arched into him, mouth open in a silent cry as he lightly nipped at the side of her breasts before circling her nipple with his tongue again, than sucking on it, his hand playing with the other, the soft weight perfect in his palm.

Felicity squirmed and tugged at his hair, her soft whimpers the only sound in the dark room. Everything she did seemed to arouse him, so he let go of her breast with a wet pop, reaching down to take off her pants, needing to feel her naked under him.

Oliver sat on his heels, eyes locked on hers as he dragged the pants and underwear down her toned legs slowly, teasingly. "You are beautiful."

He whispered, voice a little rough as he finally ranked his eyes over her naked body. He trailed his hands on her legs, gently spreading her thighs, ready to nestle between them, eager to taste her for the first time, but Felicity stopped him, sitting up and bringing her lips to his ear. "No. I need you now."

The sultry quality of her voice and her hot breath against his ear made him shiver. __God, she was going to be the death of him.__

Felicity seemed perfectly aware of what she was doing and smirked at him, pushing him lightly on his shoulder to make him roll on his back.

She reached for her side draw to retrieve a condom, than dragged Oliver's pants and briefs down his legs, placing kisses all over his skin. When she reached his cock she dragged her tongue on the side, blowing lightly on it when she reached the tip, making Oliver utter a muttered course.

She chuckled softly, moving to straddle his thighs and palmed him, spreading the precum over his length to speed up her movements.

"Felicity-" She heard the need in his strained voice and she stopped, bending to press a kiss on the fat head of his cock before rolling the condom on.

Oliver sat up, back against the headboard and dragged her across his lap, his movements hurried and a lot needy, his eyes dark and wild.

His breath was hot and ragged against her mouth and he gave her a crooked, heart stopping grin before he bent his head to kiss her softly and languidly, the combination of his tongue mapping her mouth and his stubble rubbing on her skin making Felicity's toes curl in pleasure. He reached between their bodies to guide himself between her folds, watching her eyelids fluttered shut as he rubbed himself on her clit.

He waited until she opened her eyes to keep their gazes locked while she sunk onto him, watching the changes on her face, her eyes widening slightly and her mouth opening to suck in a quick breath, knowing that no matter what was going to happen this moment was theirs and he was never going to forget it.

Oliver kissed her passionately, hands lightly caressing her hips as she started to grind onto him, before sliding to her ass, kneading the cheeks and guiding her movements. He had always had an healthy appreciation for that part of her body and he had to say, it felt as good as it looked.

Felicity whimpered at every thrust of her hips, her clit rubbing against him with the perfect pressure. She dropped her forehead to his and let out a high pitched cry as he started to move his hips, hitting her in a spot that made her thighs twitch. She felt her orgasm building up quickly, her rhythm starting to falter as she sought her release. Oliver speeded up his thrusts as Felicity started to babble incoherently and he bent down to suck on her collarbone first, than moved to her breasts, giving her nipple a powerful suck as she came undone above him, quivering and clenching around him.

He held her as she rode him until she want spent than secured her to his chest as she melted into his body, boneless. His fingers traced unknown shapes on her back and than gently kneaded her scalp as she shivered with pleasure, blinking her eyes lazily, still struggling to come down from her high.

"You are still-well-" She huffed a laugh, still breathless, her head comfortably placed on his shoulder, gesturing at where their bodies were still joined, feeling him still hard inside of her.

"Yeah." He said, voice strained, tense with the effort of keeping still. Felicity loved him a little more for this, for his gentleness, for taking care of her and not thinking about himself, so she shifted her hips, making him hiss naturally, intent on bringing him the same pleasure he had just brought her.

"Felicity-"

"I'm ready. Come on." She kissed the side of his jaw, than took his earlobe in her mouth, sucking and gently scraping her teeth on his skin, feeling him twitch inside of her.

That seemed to finally snap his control. He took hold of her thighs and turned them, leaning her on her back and hoisting her legs high around his waist.

He slowly pulled out of her, than thrusted in sharply, making her gasp and scrabble for purchase, hands twisting on the sheets as he hit her deep and she clenched around him, still sensitive from her orgasm.

She locked her ankles behind his back, heels digging to urge him on, to make him go faster and she clung onto him, her nails dragging on his back, surely leaving marks, but she realized she didn't mind the idea of branding him. When she saw a drop of sweat running down his neck she couldn't stop from reaching for him and follow the path with her tongue, before gently sucking at his pulse point, making him groan loudly.

She felt his hand slide down her stomach to reach her clit and she really didn't think she could come again so soon, but than he was rubbing his fingers roughly in circles and the feeling of his coarse skin was really working for her and she felt herself clench, a second, powerful orgasm making her whole body tremble.

The feeling of her squeezing him tightly was too much for him this time and he hid his face into her neck to muffle his shout as he came, hips trusting erratically a few more times before he fell on her, spent and sated.

Felicity didn't seem to mind his weight on her and she relaxed her shaky legs but still kept them around his waist to hug him with her full body, her hands softly caressing his back, mindlessly following the path of his scars.

He stood there a long moment, trying to catch his breath, before he moved to kiss the side of her neck with a gentleness that made her heart throb.

"I love you." She said unguardedly, feeling his smile on her neck at those three little words. Now that she had finally said them she seemed unable to stop.  
"I love you, too."

They both groaned as he pulled out of her, quickly discarding the condom before tugging her back against his side, his hands caressing her body as she tucked herself against him. She sighed contentedly, marveling in the afterglow and was already staring to drift off when his hands stilled, his body stiffening under her, so she propped her chin on his chest to see his face, to find him looking around with a confused frown.

"What's wrong?"

"There are no sheets on your bed."

"Oh-" Felicity huffed a laugh, remembering her little crazy moment just before he had come over. She slowly sat up, laughing again as he looked at her with what she could only describe as a pout. He was so adorable she was tempted to go back into his arms and snuggle up to his ridiculously sculpted chest, but she walked to her closet instead, avoiding the pile of clothes still on the floor.

She glanced back at him and shook her head as she caught him with his eyes glued to her ass, blushing slightly under his gaze despite all they had just done together. She grabbed a fresh set of sheets and threw them on the bed in the empty spot beside him. "Here you go, Mister Queen."

She grinned mischievously when she saw his eyes darkening and she wondered if that was something that worked for him. She had an idea it could really work for her too. Not tonight, though. Right now she only wanted to have him close, to feel his warm skin under her hands, his strong heartbeat under her ear to remind her he was alive, here with her, safe.

Felicity knew their bubble couldn't last forever. Just outside her window there was a dangerous, dark world, filled with risks, pain and losses, but as she quickly dozed off with Oliver tenderly pressing kisses on her hair, one hand securing her against him and the other tracing the scar on her shoulder, she realized she wasn't scared. She was lying on her half made bed with the man she loved and who loved her back and in that moment she felt strong, ready to fight against anyone and everything to protect what was finally hers.


End file.
